My Healing Mom’s Group-honoring our children through the Carly Marie Project Challenge
This page is written by Terri Taylor Straut in support of helping others find the right supports to help manage their own Grief Journey.
Grief and recovery are important topics. Being in the middle of my own grief journey, and having no prior background or training in counseling, I struggle to bring structure to this topic. What I know for certain is that it has been extremely important for me to process my grief with others who are processing similar loss. This is not true for everyone and I have learned not to impose what worked for me on others. It's just not helpful. The other thing I know for sure is that my yoga practice has helped to keep me grounded, mindful and grateful on my grief journey. Again, it's not for everyone, but it has helped me a lot.
Marguerite and Terri, December, 2016
Find someone who is walking a similar journey
A key blessing of my grief journey has been my Grief Buddy, Marguerite. I was blessed to be introduced to her within about a month of losing our boys. Marguerite's son Matthew passed away on March 10, 2011, just 6 days before Patrick died, and we used the same funeral home. The Bereavement Director, who knew Marguerite through business, made the introduction after I consulted with her about counseling options for my family. She wisely surmised that Marguerite and I had a lot in common, in addition to the timing of our profound losses, and that we would help each other through the grief journey. There is something very powerful in sharing your journey with someone else who has experienced similar loss. When she says that she knows what I’m talking about, she really does.
I'm not sure I would be as far in my grief journey if I hadn't had Marguerite by my side for each step of the way. For her friendship, love and many hours of listening and sharing, I am eternally grateful.
Healing Moms, 2015
Seek out support groups that work for you
Another hugely helpful outlet for me has been my Healing Moms group. This is a group of women who mostly met through our local Compassionate Friends chapter and who have committed to getting together periodically to talk about our kids, challenge ourselves with activities and crafts, and generally just share the grief and recovery journey. We've done fun things like white water rafting in honor of Kade and Ryan around their angel anniversaries in the summer.
The leader of our group is Jenny Robbins. Jenny lost her son Kade at age 19 about a year after Patrick and Matthew died. Jenny recently completed her Masters of Counseling program at Regis University in Denver, CO. She has turned her tragedy into motivation to learn to be a counselor, focused on grief and recovery. I am so grateful for my grief buddy and the support circle represented by our Healing Moms Group.
Please see the presentation on the Grief Resources page (Resources Menu) for excellent, timely academic resources.
write about it
One thing I have learned is that allowing your grief to fester inside is unhealthy. Find a way to write about it and get it out. You never have to share it with another soul. There were times in the early days that I would scornfully pick up my journal because that ‘s what my counselor said I needed to do. I would try to start writing and feel so angry that my pen would rip the page. I’d cry so much that the pages were wrinkled with tears.
But little by little, it got easier to put pen to paper. After a few years I was inspired when Jenny started a blog about Kade. Soon, I created a blog about Patrick. Initially I wrote a lot. Lately, months go by without a topic that feels deserving of a blog post, but it’s there when I do have something to share.
With five years of blog posts, the blog has become a historic record of my grief jouney.
Pick up a pen and start writing. I can’t hurt and my guess is it will help.